I came across these key points in a article in upscale magazine. "A love divine," is tne titile of the article and it was written by Dr. Bertice Berry. In the article she discusses the importance of loving your self and how to go about doing so. I found that I was doing some of these things already. It's good to know I am on the right track. Below is a lisiting of the key five points that were touched on. I hope someone finds this useful. I know I found it to be encouraging.

1. Surround yourself with beautiful nurturing people, books and art.

2. Forgive yourself for all of the could'ves, would'ves and should'ves.

3. Forgive those who have harmed you.

4. Learn something new everyday.

5. Get rid of toxic relationships.

hugs and kisses

zee

Well folks, today I had a job interview .Although I received encouragement and well wishes from my friends and family I have  feeling I will not be receiving a call back. I looked the part, nice suit, well groomed, portfolio in hand.I looked like an employed person. Hee hee but once I got in there and was told "Well Azizi after reviewing your resume, you seem to be overquaified for the position", my whole demeanor changed. It was like I already know how this is going to go.I have'nt been on many interviews in my life. As a matter of fact I think I've been on five job interviews. It's always a nerve wrecking experience but it's worst when your not the type of person who brags or boasts about themselves.

When you get hit with the "Tell me a little bit about yourself?", I usually respond with " Well, what do you want to know about me?". Then I go from there. But in an interview type situation you have to be assertive and lay it down. That is not my personality. I think that is whee I messed up. I am very soft spoken and shy and it shows. So if they wee looking for a stern person, then I am not the one.

Am I discouraged? Ofcourse I am but will I let this stop me. The answer is no. I got to keep on going. I will hand my resume out like it's a flyer to the jump off event of the year. I will get better with my skills. I need more practice. I'll get it together. This journey is not an easy one but it is well worth it in the end. It better be.

Well I know it's been a while since I last posted. Over the past few months I have been through a whole range of emotions.     . My job closed down. I was employed there for five years so that was very difficult for me. I ended my eight year relationship with my boyfriend. It did not go how I envisioned it.It was not a great experience. I also had some other incidents that occured over the past months that did leave a lasting impression on my outllook of life. 

All I can say is I am happy to be alive. There were so many incidents that if played out differently, would of sealed my fate. One question that I was asked by a close friend was "What do you want out of life?". When presented with that question I was caught off guard .No one had ever asked me that. I really didn't know how to respond. I pondered for a moment and responded with  the word "happiness". Then I was asked what would make me happy. I couldn't really answer that. I didn't know the answer to that question.

It has taken me a few months to figure out an idea of what would make me happy. I realize I could not look for happiness in the comfort of others. That would only bring about disappointment.  I thought that maybe love would lead me to happiness but I wasn't ready for love. I was still hurting, confused and scared. What I discovered was I had to be content with myself first to even begin to walk down the path of happiness.

All this time I was seeking happiness through making others happy. I never put myself first or even considered my needs at all. I was just going through life and not living. So your probably saying wow with this new revelation your probably gotten yourself together and your happy. No I haven't gotten there yet. I haven't made the wisest choices and I am sure I will continue to make a few more mistakes before I get it right. But I know I will get it right.

My happiness has to come from within myself. I have to be happy with me and everything else will fall into place. I now have to embark on the journey of self discovery. Which is something I never thought I had a problem with. I mean hello, I know who I am. I guess it's the working on making me the best that I can be part which is the scaring me.

I have to look at new approaches to the way I normally handle things.  I have to be able to speak up and let it be known when I don't like something. I realize that sometimes when you try to hide things to not hurt or upset someone it only makes matters worst.It's better to just be honest straight off the bat. Sure they'll still have their feelings but it's more messed up when you lie and they find out.Take it from me I know first hand. I want to be more confidant, a little more aggressive, a force not to be reckoned with, a woman who can walk into a room and have her presence be known.

I am your typical sweet, shy and quiet woman. Very accepting, understanding, sharing, supportive, nuturing,naive at times and caring. However these qualities can be a problem when your in a difficult situation and that is the only way you know how to handle things. In my mind I feel that I can deal with any situation and still be nice and kind. It is so hard for me to be mean and people don't understand that about me. They look at me like I am stupid and feel that I deserve whatever happens to me. It's  rough out here and although many folks have a tough outer skin, I don't. I am the type of person who would be kind to her enemy. That is unheard of in this day and age. Everyone has the hell with you homie mentally. You cross me and it's over. I'm not like that and hence goes the comments from people "well, people will look at you as a stupid b*&%h. Women wonder why they are treated a certain way it's because of the way they act. You must like that treatment because you still speak to that person. You keep on and you will see what happens"

Some part of what they say does hold merit. But now all situations play out the same way. However this is not the first time I have handled the situation. The last time I was nice and it didn't go down nicely. This time it seems different hopefully it is.  Life is just so strange at times.

Before I sign off this entry I would like to count my blessings.

I am thankful for the support and strength from my friends and family. They really stepped up and helped me through my difficult times. I was given great advice, comfort, love and understanding. I was really trying to down play a lot of things until it got to the point where I had to tell them. Everyone came through and really showed me how much they truly cared about me.So much love and respect to you all. Each and everyone of you know what role you played in helping me through these times. I thank and love you so much.

I am thankful  to wake up each morning and have the opportunity to live another day.

I am thankful to have just enough to get by. It may not be as much as I am use to getting but every little bit will help.

I am thankful for the little things in life.

I am thankful for sunshine, laughter, gentle breezes on a humid day, chicken mcnuggets, sweet treats, clearance sales, flea markets, rainy days, and all that life has to offer.

I am also thankful for memorable moments that will last a lifetime and for being shown that there is more to life than what you normally experience.

I am also thankful for those who took the time to read my long post. Hee hee you made me feel special because you took the time to read what I have been going through. Thank you.

Well the other day I was walking down the street and some person decided they wanted to spit out the window. The spit landed right on my boot. I couldn't believe it, that was just so nasty. Now I know some people will say "You live in the bronx, what do you expect?". I guess I would expect some folks to have some type of manners. I mean whoever spit on my foot had access to a sink, toilet, garbage can. Why would you spit out the window? Even if you were lazy you could of spit in a kleenex and called it a day. Why must you mess up my day? I mean really.

I was too upset. Then I began to watch people as I walked by. I saw a little girl standing near a woman by the edge of the street. The little girl started playing with a patch of dirty snow. I mean the snow was black. And the woman just looked down at her and watched her as she played with the snow.Then after about three minutes of this she called the girl by her name and motioned to her to come on. I could not believe that she allowed the girl too play with dirty snow.   Now, my momma would of screamed at me if she saw me even thinking about touching the snow. 

Then ahead me there was this boy he looked to be about 11. He was walking with his mom and he decided to spit on the street. His mother saw him and didn't say anything to him.. What in the world. It's not okay to spit on the street. That's also nasty.

Ofcourse some one would have to walk right by me and bump me with their shoulder.  It's like hello you could say excuse me if you feel I'm in your way.

That day I came to the realization that I can't stay in the bronx for the rest of my life. I use to love the bronx. But the people who lack manners and common courtesy really haved messed it up for me.

Enough ranting and raving for now

I'm outtie

Hey y'all

I am feeling much better now. Last Thursday was my birthday. It was a nice day for me. I can't complain. Thank you so much Synthia for the birthday shout out and tribute. That was so cute. You brought a tear to my eye . This weekend I attended a baby shower and a house warming party. I did alot of running around to find the perfect gift. I really do not feel like I had this weekend off.  I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. I am just so tired it's ridiculous  so   yo u know what I'm about to do. But before i go to sleepy land I would also like to thank Tink for the get well wish.

Nitey Nite

I"M SICK .

I spent thanksgving in bed.I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a bowl of soup. I have a cold. My throat has been hurting since weds. I keep sneezing and coughing and I've had a fever for the past two days. Ofcourse I would have to be sick on a major sales day. Awwwwww man this sucks. I hope to get better soon. I'm the type of person who is always on the go. I just can't relax. I have no choice now. Back to bed for me.

c ya

Today I did much better with the christmas shopping. I didn't buy anything major for myself (i found a pair of satin, dressy, open toe high heels by sketchers for $9.00. Pic coming soon. I would of been a fool to leave those beauties in Mandee's). I basically picked up about three items and then made a mental list of other items to buy. I will definately go to Mandee's and Annie Sez tomorrow to pick up these items.

I will be working tomorrow and the day after thanksgiving. Having to work the day after a major holiday really sucks for me. I can't really get to enjoy myself knowing I have to work the next day. Then when I am at work there is no one there. Everybody else took the day off. 

Well I am off to bed. nitey  nite.

Today I attempted to do a little christmas shopping during lunch. However, I kept finding gifts for myself and reasons to justify purchasing these items. I thought to myself "hey I work hard. I deserve this. I will always be in debt so what's the big deal. If I don't get this now it won't be here when I come back after work. I could always use another fushia purse. This could be my birthday present ( my birthday is dec 2). I will live it up and be cute in these betty boop pajamas". Hey I wasn't completely selfish I did buy some presents for a couple of folks. Okay, two people could count for a couple of folks, right? . Hee hee I know I ain't right but it sure felt good buying stuff.  . My brother also bought a gift for himself, which he is rubbing in my face. He purchased the nintendo ds. Now what is sad is I bought the nintendo gameboy advance sp last summer.  If I knew that this ds would be coming out I would of waited. The DS can play gameboy advance games also. He's overjoyed over here and keeps looking at me and laughing. But that's okay because i have betty boop pajamas. My pajamas will keep me warm. His DS will cramp his finger. I love my brother. I have two of them I am such a lucky lady. I am going to go to bed now and hopefully I will have a better shopping day tomorrow.

Nitey nite

Hi there,

My cousin just put me on to this service today.  I figured hey l'll just fidlde around with it for a bit. I'll eventually figure it out one day . Much love to my cuz avee8rgal.